Quick Shout-Out to Lane Kiffin

Dearest Lane,

First I would like to congratulate you on not getting destroyed this weekend in the Swamp. Your ability to call run plays on every single 3rd-and-long make you the most respected woman coach in college football. The way your skirt was blowing in the wind had some of your players forgetting that UT had a cheerleading squad.

In all seriousness, all of us Gator fans enjoy a woman who doesn't always go for it. You kept it conservative, and we're glad you're saving yourself for the opportune moment. Although you took a loss this time around, your team is surely rested for that epic showdown against Ohio next week. It'll be a tough grind - as is the case whenever you play teams from the great state of Ohio - so I'm proud of you for not wasting all your team's talent and ability on a silly team like #1 Florida.

The Gators also thank you. You're so nurturing! By calling run plays deep into the 4th quarter, you allowed us to rest all of our players on offense who have the flu. Why didn't you actually make us some chicken soup?

I'm actually quite surprised you made your team work as hard as you did. I mean, they were sweating and everything! If you wanted to keep it close and run out the clock, why didn't you take a knee to start off the second half? It would have done you the same good; and it would have kept those bright white uniforms from getting all dirty. I hope some of the scholarship money left over from buying that recruit from Florida (you remember, the one Urban Meyer called without your permission? I thought cheating only happened when you did something physical, not call them after their mother goes to bed.) can be used to buy some extra Tide for those grass stains.

Maybe next year when UT gathers 105,000 people into a stadium, you'll decide to bring two testicals, 22 players, and a gameplan. In the mean time, how about you start asking the city of Knoxville and the state of Tennessee for a football team.

Any volunteers?

Love,
Sully